Every Man for Himself
by mctwisps
Summary: See what happens when Sasuke loses his internet and is forced to take what was supposed to be a quick and painless trip to a store which turned into quite an awkward experience. Sasuke Crack-fic. R&R! Rated M for mature, due to a lot of bad language.


**A/N: **_Lol wow I'm kinda rusty at this it's been a while. As Shane, my best friend featured in, The Ramen Shop, read through my older stories, I noticed that at the beginning I used to write little drabbles at the beginning introducing the disclaimer. It's time for that once again! And this is my second one-shot of the night since Shane enjoyed the other's so much, he's now demanding at least 2 stories a week, (but I know that demand is going to get bigger e.e little fgt.) So looks like you guys might be getting more stories thanks to Shane :D! Alrighty let's get this show on the road!_

**Me: So hey guys it's been a while hasn't it? :D  
Shane: That's cause you take fricken forever in the bathroom guai lo e.e  
Naruto: BELIEVE IT!  
Sakura: Naruto you're such a retard…  
Naruto: Ikr? Shane is such a retard…  
Shane: MAN FECK YOU HOKAY D8(  
Me: Play nice guys. WHO WANT'S TO DO THE DISCLAIMER? ;D  
Shane: ME!  
Me: Okay Shane go ahead, since you're such a needy attention whore. e.e  
Shane: HOKAY :D So Ashie-chan doesn't own Naruto, Misashi Kishimoto does and unfortunately not enough people joined the cookie empire and we ran outta Gaara-panda plushies :c [sad face]  
Me: I KNOW T~T ITS SO SAD… [sniff sniff]  
Naruto: okay….  
Me: stfu fatass. Go eat some ramen.  
Naruto: MOMMYYYY T~T  
Me: YOU DON'T HAVE A MOMMMY D8(  
Naruto: DADDYYYYYY T~T  
Me: YOU DON'T HAVE ONE OF THOSE EITHER IDIOT  
Naruto: WHAT DO I HAVE THEN!  
Me: NOTHING! D8(  
Naruto: oh… v.v  
Shane: [hugs naruto] it's okay… v.v she's a guai lo  
Me: SHUT UP SO WE CAN DO THE STORY!**

**Every man for himself.  
**_Ashuurii._

**O u O**

'_**Don't worry Sasuke, no one will know you were here, nobody you know comes in here so don't worry.'**_ Sasuke's inner self urged as Sasuke took small steps towards the precarious building.

'_But.. what if someone DOES see me… I'M SCREWED T.T'_

'_**Don't be such a pussy and just go in. Gawd you're embarrassing me and I'm PART OF WHO YOU ARE. THAT IS PATHETIC MAN. YOU'RE PATHETIC.'**_

Now I'm sure you're wondering why Sasuke is having such a battle within himself, and for god's sake, what is he battling about? Well you see, Sasuke is a very private person. He isn't someone who likes to publicly announce when he does something, especially something well… **private**. And even if him going into this particular shop, was in some form, a fucking public announce that screams to the whole village.

'_I am NOT pathetic. I've never done this before okay? It's my first time. It's not my fault the internet got shut off, stupid Naruto forgot to pay the bill. It was HIS responsibility. Don't bitch at me bro. e.e'_

'_**Uhm, I will bitch at you cause' you're being a pussy. For god's sake man, GROW SOME BALLS!'**_

'_EXCUSE ME! I HAVE SOME THANK YOU! AND THEIR VERY DECENTLY SIZED TOO!'_

'_**You… are such a fag… just sayin e.e'**_

'_Tch. Hn.'_

Now Sasuke was getting tired of standing across from this shop. All he had to do, was cross the street, walk in, get what he needed and get out. He'd done missions way harder than this. S-Ranked missions we're no problem. But THIS… this was the hardest thing he ever had to do… **ever**.

'_**If you did have such big balls, maybe you'd actually have a girlfriend and you wouldn't have a need for this CRAP! What's your answer to that one prissy boy!'**_

'_Technically you're a part of me, so basically you're calling yourself a prissy fag that has no game and no balls either moron.'_

'_**Actually I'm you're alter ego that actually has balls and game and could get you a very hot girlfriend but you're too much of a pussy to let me out and do my thang.'**_

' _. . . '_

'_**Yeah shut up BITCH.'**_

' _. . . [sigh]'_

Why was this so difficult? Was it his pride? Was it his social status? Was he worried he'd smear his (_semi_) good name? Possibly. Or it's possible he just didn't have the guts to just go into the shop. It's not like the shop was bad or anything. Lots of men go in there. It was perfectly normal. But let us not forget how perfectly **ab**normal Uchiha Sasuke really is.

"Ohayo Sasuke-kun, fancy seeing you here." A familiar voice chimed.

'_Oh fuck me… why me… why kami-sama… why…'_

'_**No one's going to fuck you cause' you're such a little priss fag boy.'**_

'_Tch. Shut the fuck up.'_

"Hn. Ohayo Sakura. Can I help you with something?" He asked boredly. Very nice Sasuke, try to act like you're not standing ou side of that place. Very smooth. **NOT.**

"Oh no I'm just passing through. You'd seemed a bit disgruntled though, you looked like you were in pain are you alright Sasuke-kun? Do you need help with anything?" Sakura asked sweetly. Honestly, this girl was the sweetest girl you'll ever meet. This bastard didn't even deserve her help. Sleezy pig. DID SHE EVEN SEE WHAT HE WAS STANDING IN FRONT OF!

"Oh no I'm fine. Just… browsing." Sasuke said slyly. Oh he should have picked a better choice in words… idiot.

"You're browsing…"

"Yes, is that not what I said?"

"You're browsing what…?"

"Oh just uhmm… thing's you know."

"Sasuke…"

"Hn?"

"You're standing outside of 'Porn Palace'…"

"Hn…"

After what felt like the longest awkward silence in the world, Sakura politely cleared her throat and bid him adieu. She'd rather be inside the 'Porn Palace' than standing outside of it with Sasuke… Yeah that's exactly how awkward it was.

'_**You are such a fucking idiot. I am so ashamed to be a part of you. e.e'**_

'_Just shut up and help me get inside. THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I DIDN'T WANNA GO HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE YOU DUMB BITCH!'_

'_**Don't call me a dumb bitch u prissy fag boy. Move aside!'**_

And with that, Sasuke's inner self pushed the prideful Sasuke down as he marched into the 'Porn Palace' shouting an obnoxiously loud "BELIEVE IT!" into the air. I guess he was hoping pulling a Naruto would give him more confidence. He should've rethought that…

Two innocent bystanders on the street, a Chinese boy and an irish girl, exchanged bewildered glances before saying,

"What a strange man…" uttered the small girl.

"Yeah… Let's get out of here before he goes crazy… Fricken crackheads these days…" said the tall boy as he gently lead his tiny friend away from the crazy weirdo in the porn shop.

**End.**

**O u O**

**Me: Okay so it wans't Sasusaku, but it was funny :D right? Right?  
Shane: awwww I like the ending c: BECAUSE IM IN IT 8D CHEYAHHH!  
Me: 2 words. ATTENTION. WHORE.  
Shane: FUCK YOU!  
Me: YOU WISH YOU COULD ;D  
Shane: yeah… v.v don't remind me…  
Naruto and Sasuke: we know how you feel buddy… v.v  
[Sasuke, Naruto, and Shane join in a sad faggy group hug of sadness and faggyness]  
Me: yeah… SO ANYWAY! I hope you guys enjoyed it :]  
Shane: REMEMBER TO READ AND REVIEW CAUSE IM IN IT! 8D  
Me: shut up you attention hoe.  
Shane: CORRECTION. IT'S ATTENTION WHORE. GET IT RIGHT GUAI LO.  
Me: what… ever… e.e BYE GUYS :DDD!**

_Read & Review please!_

January 3rd, 2011- 2:58AM.


End file.
